Tuesday, December 26, 2006
It's been a wierd kind of time for me.. I dunno.. seems like everyone is hurting.. im so focused on helping them... breakups, unrequited love... seems like it all revolves around love, issues of the heart..
Just another reminder of how cruel the world can be..
In a few ways i've kind of given up on love.. I just can't be bothered anymore.. perhaps its just because it hurts less to give up.. maybe..
Im dying to finish my last few days of attachment.. then long weekend.. then back to skool... oh well.. all i know is.. this sem.. it's do or die.. i have to ace everything.. else... no merits for me..
I gotta go get ready for work then..
Maybe i'll update later..
Starred at |6:28 PM|
+~+
Friday, December 22, 2006
Sometimes i don't know what i'm doing from 1 minute to the next...
You know, it's really hard being everyone's pillar of strength.. it's hard to be the one people rely on or look to when they are in need.. I'm not complaining.. i am absolutely willing to give and be there and help, no questions asked.. But i always discover theat when this pillar of strength needs a little support.. she only has herself to depend on... at some point, i'm afraid the pillar will just crack and fall to pieces... I'm afrain i'll just fall to pieces...
How fair is it that me being who i am. Always trying to take care of everyone else.. Never has anyone to take care of me? God knows i know that giving is not about getting anything back... but i just wish that sometimes, i'd be on the recieving end..
i hate not having anyone to depend on.. i hate that i can't rely on anyone at all.. i hate that that when i help someone, and they are happy again.. they walk off and be happy with everyone else and just leave me in exactly the same place..
" it's like everyone came in the same big car and know each other and get along.. and i'm the girl that walked there.."
Most of all.. i hate all the disappointment...
Whenever i need help.. i need someone to be there for me.. There's no one there.. it's always about them and their problems.. Would someone freaking remember that im a freaking human being too???? sometimes its like when i try to reach out, "hey i'm feeling a bit down today.." and the response is " oh dear i hope you feel better, so any way i.....( insert problem here)"
Yah.. thanks for listening.
I swear i'm not saying never come to me for ur problems.. like i said before i'm glad to help.. and it's not your fault that you are caught up in ur own world.. I just wish sometimes, somebody would notice that i'm not all great either.. and for once ask me about me.. Then again, it's not your fault.. really.. It's human nature.. Guess i just need to find my other half.. the one person who i guess i will finally be able to rest my soul with.. to complete me and to fill all my emptiness.. To be my pillar..
So...
Dear god.. Just please give me strength... Let me be there for those i love but let me find someone to be there for me.. to be my strength.. to be my pillar... cause right now, i feel like i'm starrting to crack inside and some cracks are starting to show on the surface.. pls god let me find that person before i totally crash and burn..Soon.
Starred at |6:24 AM|
+~+
Monday, December 18, 2006
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but youI'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughtsIn my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
Starred at |6:33 AM|
+~+
Saturday, December 16, 2006
i think i've shed enough tears don't you?
funny how no matter how many times i say that.. it keeps coming.. tear stained pillows in the morning.. and remembering how i cried myself to sleep the night before.. not that it's a not a common occurence... I mean.. when you are not allowed to show your emotions the only safe place to do it is in the comfort of your own bed right..
it's really quite stupid to be crying over it.. i mean.. what exactly am i crying about?
you can't lose what you never had...
Square peg.. Round hole..
"when winter comes in summer
when there's no more forever
when lies become the truth
That's when i'll stop loving you.."
Enough now.. enough.
Starred at |8:12 AM|
+~+
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I can't believe i was msging with HIM today.. It's so wierd.. even wierder that i absolutely don't regret not being his girl anymore.. oh gawd.. Why was i with him again? Did someone say because i loved him?? No? Oh that's right.. Temporary insanity..
Temporary insanity..
The excuse for most of my past relationships..
I think for once i want to go into a relationship SANE..
But not now... not for awhile..
Not till i fix everything else i guess...
Watched a movie called The Holiday.. pretty my kinda movie.. depressing but inspiring movie.. I know.. i'm totally contradicting myself.. but yah.. i cried like 3 times... cause i'm just the sort that can't stand to see other's cry( plus i soooo felt the movie )... but i guess.. it's just a movie... life doesnt happen like that.. i watched happy feet last week.. watched with a friend then the next day end up watching it for the second time with ma mum cause she wanted to watch.. haha.. but i like the movie so watching it twice wasnt bad.. hehe..
i bought a 70 dollar dress today!... omg.. i'm mad..
oh and may get ma echo woman soon!! yay! i love christmas!!
Hmm.. going out with another bestie of mine tomorrow.. yay! finally i get to chill awhile before geron attachment.. heh..
alright.. updates later... :D
Starred at |10:04 AM|
+~+
Theres Beauty in the Breakdown
Theres Beauty in the Breakdown
Shes so beautifully broken down
if it was broken then, you know it's broken now
The Broken Beauty is in rehab
her hearts addict'd to disasters
and past life chapters
shes not sure what shes after
cant be mad at her
she's too beautiful...
Beautifully Broken
B.C. Ford
Starred at |9:41 AM|
+~+
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Hey...
This is a new blog im setting up.. just for the heck of it..
I'm rather in a tired crappy mood at the moment, i have no idea what to do except finish this blog then sleep... i kinda feel like i just want to scream at the top of ma voice too...
Pent up emotions...
You know i guess the bottom line is that i know it's just not meant to be.. Yes.. love is love.. but i just wanna stay friends.. Don't tell me how stupid i am.. don't tell me how ridiculous im being and that you just don't understand why its so hard.. It just is.. I love him and a part of me always has and always will.. but.. some things just.. are not meant to be...
Enough about me..
Bebe,
Be strong ok.. i know it's hard.. i totally understand... and i hope you know by now that i'm always there for you.. but at times like this.. we just got to let god lead us and trust that he has our best interest and happiness at heart.. Sometimes giving in and breaking down always seems like the easiest thing to do.. but cmon.. you've braved through worst.. and just like those times.. i'll always be beside you.. Best friends for life right.. We'll take it day by day k bebe.. I love you like CRAZY!! *muacks*
Love, Me
Starred at |9:09 AM|
+~+
It's been a wierd kind of time for me.. I dunno.. seems like everyone is hurting.. im so focused on helping them... breakups, unrequited love... seems like it all revolves around love, issues of the heart..
Just another reminder of how cruel the world can be..
In a few ways i've kind of given up on love.. I just can't be bothered anymore.. perhaps its just because it hurts less to give up.. maybe..
Im dying to finish my last few days of attachment.. then long weekend.. then back to skool... oh well.. all i know is.. this sem.. it's do or die.. i have to ace everything.. else... no merits for me..
I gotta go get ready for work then..
Maybe i'll update later..
Starred at |6:28 PM|
Friday, December 22, 2006
Sometimes i don't know what i'm doing from 1 minute to the next...
You know, it's really hard being everyone's pillar of strength.. it's hard to be the one people rely on or look to when they are in need.. I'm not complaining.. i am absolutely willing to give and be there and help, no questions asked.. But i always discover theat when this pillar of strength needs a little support.. she only has herself to depend on... at some point, i'm afraid the pillar will just crack and fall to pieces... I'm afrain i'll just fall to pieces...
How fair is it that me being who i am. Always trying to take care of everyone else.. Never has anyone to take care of me? God knows i know that giving is not about getting anything back... but i just wish that sometimes, i'd be on the recieving end..
i hate not having anyone to depend on.. i hate that i can't rely on anyone at all.. i hate that that when i help someone, and they are happy again.. they walk off and be happy with everyone else and just leave me in exactly the same place..
" it's like everyone came in the same big car and know each other and get along.. and i'm the girl that walked there.."
Most of all.. i hate all the disappointment...
Whenever i need help.. i need someone to be there for me.. There's no one there.. it's always about them and their problems.. Would someone freaking remember that im a freaking human being too???? sometimes its like when i try to reach out, "hey i'm feeling a bit down today.." and the response is " oh dear i hope you feel better, so any way i.....( insert problem here)"
Yah.. thanks for listening.
I swear i'm not saying never come to me for ur problems.. like i said before i'm glad to help.. and it's not your fault that you are caught up in ur own world.. I just wish sometimes, somebody would notice that i'm not all great either.. and for once ask me about me.. Then again, it's not your fault.. really.. It's human nature.. Guess i just need to find my other half.. the one person who i guess i will finally be able to rest my soul with.. to complete me and to fill all my emptiness.. To be my pillar..
So...
Dear god.. Just please give me strength... Let me be there for those i love but let me find someone to be there for me.. to be my strength.. to be my pillar... cause right now, i feel like i'm starrting to crack inside and some cracks are starting to show on the surface.. pls god let me find that person before i totally crash and burn..Soon.
Starred at |6:24 AM|
Monday, December 18, 2006
It's like you're a drug
It's like you're a demon I can't face down
It's like I'm stuck
It's like I'm running from you all the time
And I know I let you have all the power
It's like the only company I seek is misery all around
It's like you're a leech
Sucking the life from me
It's like I can't breathe
Without you inside of me
And I know I let you have all the power
And I realize I'm never gonna quit you over time
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm lost
It's like I'm giving up slowly
It's like you're a ghost that's haunting me
Leave me alone
And I know these voices in my head
Are mine alone
And I know I'll never change my ways
If I don't give you up now
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but youI'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughtsIn my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
I'm hooked on you
I need a fix
I can't take it
Just one more hit
I promise I can deal with it
I'll handle it, quit it
Just one more time
Then that's it
Just a little bit more to get me through this
It's like I can't breathe
It's like I can't see anything
Nothing but you
I'm addicted to you
It's like I can't think
Without you interrupting me
In my thoughts
In my dreams
You've taken over me
It's like I'm not me
It's like I'm not me
Starred at |6:33 AM|
Saturday, December 16, 2006
i think i've shed enough tears don't you?
funny how no matter how many times i say that.. it keeps coming.. tear stained pillows in the morning.. and remembering how i cried myself to sleep the night before.. not that it's a not a common occurence... I mean.. when you are not allowed to show your emotions the only safe place to do it is in the comfort of your own bed right..
it's really quite stupid to be crying over it.. i mean.. what exactly am i crying about?
you can't lose what you never had...
Square peg.. Round hole..
"when winter comes in summer
when there's no more forever
when lies become the truth
That's when i'll stop loving you.."
Enough now.. enough.
Starred at |8:12 AM|
Thursday, December 14, 2006
I can't believe i was msging with HIM today.. It's so wierd.. even wierder that i absolutely don't regret not being his girl anymore.. oh gawd.. Why was i with him again? Did someone say because i loved him?? No? Oh that's right.. Temporary insanity..
Temporary insanity..
The excuse for most of my past relationships..
I think for once i want to go into a relationship SANE..
But not now... not for awhile..
Not till i fix everything else i guess...
Watched a movie called The Holiday.. pretty my kinda movie.. depressing but inspiring movie.. I know.. i'm totally contradicting myself.. but yah.. i cried like 3 times... cause i'm just the sort that can't stand to see other's cry( plus i soooo felt the movie )... but i guess.. it's just a movie... life doesnt happen like that.. i watched happy feet last week.. watched with a friend then the next day end up watching it for the second time with ma mum cause she wanted to watch.. haha.. but i like the movie so watching it twice wasnt bad.. hehe..
i bought a 70 dollar dress today!... omg.. i'm mad..
oh and may get ma echo woman soon!! yay! i love christmas!!
Hmm.. going out with another bestie of mine tomorrow.. yay! finally i get to chill awhile before geron attachment.. heh..
alright.. updates later... :D
Starred at |10:04 AM|
Theres Beauty in the Breakdown
Theres Beauty in the Breakdown
Shes so beautifully broken down
if it was broken then, you know it's broken now
The Broken Beauty is in rehab
her hearts addict'd to disasters
and past life chapters
shes not sure what shes after
cant be mad at her
she's too beautiful...
Beautifully Broken
B.C. Ford
Starred at |9:41 AM|
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Hey...
This is a new blog im setting up.. just for the heck of it..
I'm rather in a tired crappy mood at the moment, i have no idea what to do except finish this blog then sleep... i kinda feel like i just want to scream at the top of ma voice too...
Pent up emotions...
You know i guess the bottom line is that i know it's just not meant to be.. Yes.. love is love.. but i just wanna stay friends.. Don't tell me how stupid i am.. don't tell me how ridiculous im being and that you just don't understand why its so hard.. It just is.. I love him and a part of me always has and always will.. but.. some things just.. are not meant to be...
Enough about me..
Bebe,
Be strong ok.. i know it's hard.. i totally understand... and i hope you know by now that i'm always there for you.. but at times like this.. we just got to let god lead us and trust that he has our best interest and happiness at heart.. Sometimes giving in and breaking down always seems like the easiest thing to do.. but cmon.. you've braved through worst.. and just like those times.. i'll always be beside you.. Best friends for life right.. We'll take it day by day k bebe.. I love you like CRAZY!! *muacks*
Love, Me
Starred at |9:09 AM|